Experiencing Sex Before Your First Kiss – We Have a Porn Problem

Posted on April 18, 2017 in Sexuality by

Kids surprised at computer

When I was in high school dating was a big part of life for me. Each weekend was an attempt to make plans with friends and girlfriends to get together and do something. Activities included bowling, pool, movies, and church youth group activities. At the end of the night my biggest hope was that I would get to kiss my girlfriend goodnight.

Things have certainly changed.

A disturbing survey of 600 Australian girls and young women, ages 14-19, has just been released. The survey reveals that more often than not, sexual acts wit boys precede kissing, or anything else. A recent Fight The New Drug article reports:

“In the survey report, entitled Don’t send me that pic, participants reported that online sexual abuse and harassment were becoming a normal part of their everyday interactions. And while the behavior seemed so common, more than 80% said it was unacceptable for boyfriends to request naked images. Sexual bullying and harassment are part of daily life for many girls growing up as a part of this digital generation. Young girls are speaking out more and more about how these practices have links with pornography—because it’s directly affecting them. Pornography is molding and conditioning the sexual behaviors and attitudes of boys, and girls are being left without the resources to deal with these porn-saturated boys.”

The survey and the article go on to report that it is becoming common for many girls to provide sexual favors to boys in exchange for snuggling and kissing. This is creating a generation of girls that experience sexual acts before they even have their first kiss.

Driving this madness is the porn industry. The article at Fight The New Drug states:

“If there are still any questions about whether porn has an impact on young people’s sexual attitudes and behaviors, perhaps it’s time to listen to young people themselves. Girls and young women describe boys pressuring them to provide acts inspired by the porn they consume routinely. Girls tell of being expected to put up with things they don’t enjoy.”

As a father it is heartbreaking to think that many teenage girls are being pressured daily to provide naked pictures and sexual favors to hyper-sexualized boys. At one time boys first viewed pornography around ages 11-13. That number has now been moved back to age 8. But even the pornography they viewed was not the hard-core images and videos available at the touch of a finger today.

But we also have to acknowledge that previous generations primarily viewed static images, not video clips or even full-length movies. The average male first experienced pornography in the pages of a magazine where images could not talk or do more than hold a single pose. Today however, the pornography being viewed is video clips from all over the world being uploaded by porn producers, movie and music stars, and the average person next door. The world of porn has gone global.

The threat of kids being exposed to explicit sexual content is not just a serious threat; it’s an imminent threat. Only the most naïve and willfully blind parent would dare say that his or her child has no access to such content. At one time it may have been possible for a child to get through high school without viewing explicit content but the likelihood of that scenario is now highly unlikely.

With so many kids being exposed to explicit sexual content from an early age its no wonder pressure is being exerted on teenage girls to be the next source of sexual stimulation for boys. The pornography being viewed is fueling the relational problems experienced between many men and women. Men will, naturally, tend to be controlling and dominant in their relationships. Women are often the pleasers that try to make sure the other person is happy and fulfilled. While I don’t have any empirical evidence for these relational roles, I think centuries of human existence will support those thoughts.

Exerting control is needed at times. Situations call for a strong leader that can control the situation. And pleasing another person and seeking their happiness is also a valuable quality. However, exercising aggressive control over another person without their consent, or to their humiliation is not acceptable. And being willing to please another person by acting in a demeaning way or allowing yourself to be abused or hurt is also not acceptable. But this is what pornography projects and this is what young boys and girls are learning.

The reality that many girls are experiencing sexual acts before they experience their first kiss should alarm us all. It doesn’t have to be your daughter for this to be a concern. Our society is out of control sexually and proponents of pornography are part of the problem. But parents that indulge in pornography are also part of the problem. And churches that refuse to address sexuality are part of the problem.

While I fully intend to engage my kids concerning sexuality and its proper boundaries, I want my church to address the issue as well. I want to hear about Gospel-centric sexuality that puts the issue in proper context. I don’t want to hear about how sexuality is bad and evil because God made us sexual beings. But I do want to hear about how I can honor God in my sexuality. And I want my church to teach a proper biblical sexual ethic that brings pornography into the light and exposes it as sin.

Something needs to change. Sexuality is far more pervasive in our culture than it should be. It’s so pervasive that the slogan “sex sells” doesn’t even get our attention anymore. Clearly we have a problem. Unfortunately, our problem is having a profound effect on girls and boys. That is a problem.

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