The Reformed Advisor

Category: Family

If You Worship Your Kids There’s a Good Chance You’re Ruining Their Life. And Yours!

Posted on April 9, 2014 in Family by

Can I let you in on a little secret? It’s one of those things everybody used to know but somewhere along the way it got lost and now it seems fewer and fewer people know this; but it’s no less true today than it ever was. The big secret is this: kids are not the center of the universe!

In the past I’ve written on the danger of becoming a narcissistic parent. But on the opposite end of the spectrum, and equally as dangerous, is falling into the trap of worshipping your kids and believing they are the center of the universe. Countless well-meaning parents fall victim to this idea that children are the center of the home and parents are simply there to serve them. One prominent family advocate shares this message:

Time to Put Down the Gadgets and Play with Your Kids

Posted on March 26, 2014 in Family by

Once upon a time the family sat down and ate dinner together each night as they discussed their day, shared stories, and parents even used the time to teach manners or other life virtues to their kids. It was a daily family ritual that served as an anchor to keep every person in the family grounded. The picture we see today?

Ten Things I Want To Tell Teenage Girls

Posted on March 20, 2014 in Family by

I’m always looking for good resources on parenting. Raising kids in this culture can be dangerous and I would be silly to think I know it all. But finding well-written, practical, common sense articles can at times be difficult. So when I do find such an article, I am all-too happy to share it.

As the father of a little girl I am deeply concerned with the “trends” in society that tempt our daughters to everything God doesn’t want them to be. Everything from fashion to movies, make-up to music is sending a constant message to our little girls that unless they look, sound, act, behave, smell, and live a certain way, something is wrong.

Since When is Being a Married Husband and Father Considered an “Alternative” Lifestyle?

Posted on March 19, 2014 in Family, Marriage by

When I was 23 I was single, in graduate school while I worked as a professional, and felt like I was “behind” in life because I wasn’t married with kids.

Little did I know that in a very short couple years I would be engaged, have a Master’s Degree, and be preparing for my future as a husband and father. And while I considered this a perfectly normal albeit late part of an adult life cycle, many today seem to think I am now living an “alternative” lifestyle.

Going back into history as far as you can will reveal the “normal” lifestyle for an adult has been to get married, have children, and then raise those children with your spouse. An adult, still define as someone having reached the age of 18, is legally allowed to marry though many prefer to wait until after college. So it has come to be a normal part of societal life for adults of the age of 22, or 23, or even 25 to be married and begin starting a family. Apparently though, that is now considered an “alternative” lifestyle.

You Want to Influence Your Kids? Here’s How to Do It

Posted on March 11, 2014 in Family by

One issue I see in society is what appears to be a lack of concern on the part of parents for their children. I don’t mean ignoring basic needs like food and clothing, but rather the often overlooked “invisible essentials” of imparting faith, morals, and character. It appears that most parents have taken a “survival” mentality and simply hope to get through childhood and the teenage years without actually killing their kids. It’s a strange paradox to see parents acting more like kids as they seek approval form their kids, ask their kids permission, and yield to the demands of their kids.

I can’t help but wonder if parents have forgotten that it is not just their job to raise their children “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,” (Eph. 6:4) but also to be a steady influence into their adult years. Then again, maybe influence or the lack thereof, is the problem. And just maybe what has happened is that in the attempt to be loved by their kids parents have lost all influence and consequently are not much loved either.

War on Women? What About the War on Masculinity?

Posted on February 28, 2014 in Family by

I confess I’m fascinated by studying the difference in genders. My wife will attest to the fact that I don’t understand women and do indeed find them strange creatures from another planet. But I am curiously drawn to studying the differences between men and women.

Culturally speaking it’s almost taboo to even suggest there is a difference between men and women. The feminist movement and political correctness have all but erased gender lines. Rather than celebrating the God-given differences we have been gifted with, society seems more interested in androgyny as a happy middle between the sexes.

Sorry, I reject that notion.

I love John Wayne, shooting guns, eating various kinds of meat, and doing “macho” things that are at times slightly dangerous; like jumping off the roof of my house to avoid using the rickety step ladder. Yes, Tim the Tool Man Taylor is awesome. Additionally, I chew my nails and would never consider getting a manicure, think anything resembling a purse is for women, am suspicious of any guy that doesn’t like at least one sport, and believe there should be a distinct difference between women and men.

That Dirty Little D Word: Discipline

Posted on February 20, 2014 in Family by

Have you ever been out in public and saw some kids behaving in a way that made you want to grab their ears, twist, and “teach them a lesson?” To emphasize her point, my mom used to grab my ear, twist, and proceed to show me exactly what it was I was supposed to be doing, or not doing. To say I was “all ears” would be an understatement.

Or maybe you’ve had an experience like this one where you end up hiding from your own kids because you’ve concluded that they are aliens sent to destroy you and take over the planet. And more often than not you sit back at the end of a long day, sigh (or perhaps cry) and wonder aloud “how did it get this bad?”

Kids That Whine About What They Don’t Have Should Meet Kids Around the World

Posted on February 14, 2014 in Family by

Have your kids ever been sitting in the middle of a huge pile of toys, watching one of their 83 DVD’s, after they just got done playing on one of their game systems while they waited for the batteries in their Nintendo DS to charge so they can go on the Internet from their computer to get game codes, and whined “I’m bored, there’s nothing to do!”

In that moment, have you wanted to yell, “When I was a kid we played with sticks and rocks and we liked it!”

Kids have the craziest ability to find a way of whining about what they don’t have in the middle of enjoying the things they have been blessed with. We’ve all seen it. While swimming at a friend’s house they lament the fact they don’t have their own swimming pool. While riding the neighbor’s go-kart they complain about not owning one. While playing dress up at a slumber party they whine about not having more shoes.

But there are two very important things I want to point out when it comes to whining and complaining in our kids.

Mentoring: Where Older Folks Can Impact the Younger Generation

Posted on February 7, 2014 in Family by

We live in a society where the family structure has changed dramatically from what it was even just 50 years ago. There are far fewer homes with a father and mother and their biological children. There are many more homes with second marriages, step-children, and single parents. We can sit and debate the pros and cons of this social paradigm shift all we want, but the fact remains that as the church we need to stand ready to love and support every family that walks through the doors.

Of course we never want to condone sin. It seems the word sin as it relates to people’s relationships has become very blurry in our culture of “acceptance.” But the Bible still lays a blueprint for the right and the wrong way to do things. To this end we must uphold that Biblical truth regardless of shifting cultural opinions.

Will You Join the Girl Scout Cookie Ban?

Posted on February 5, 2014 in Family, Life by

Whatever the Girl Scouts once were, they are now an organization that advocates sexual activity in minors, homosexuality, and abortion. And every box of cookies bought helps them continue their social agenda of immorality.

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