Last week I gathered with some men at a manly place to enjoy some manly things. And there were some manly men there too. Air Force. Army. Guys that jump out of helicopters and hunt bad guys around the world. 

While we reclined and enjoyed some manly recreations, we took the opportunity to discuss…masculinity. 

Makes sense. A bunch of manly men in a manly environment seems like an appropriate time to discuss a hot cultural topic. I’m sure someone has already been triggered by the sheer number of times the word “manly” has been used (there’s more coming). But on this particular day, the only use of “triggered” referred to military weapons. 

Anyone with a sane sense of observation will admit that “traditional masculinity” is under attack culturally. Social justice warriors and sexual revolutionaries have decided that “traditional” men are responsible for basically every evil in the world. Their objective is to change the balance of power by elevating any other group in an effort to topple men from the societal apex. 

Ross Douthat, a well-known national columnist, comments on the APA’s newest research into “toxic masculinity,”: “The trouble with men, the guidelines argue, is that they’re violent and reckless, far more likely than women to end up in prison or dead before their time. But the deeper problem is they’re prisoners of ‘traditional masculinity,’ which the guidelines describe as a model of manhood marked by ‘emotional stoicism, homophobia, not showing vulnerability, self-reliance and competitiveness.’”

To put it simply, the APA is concerned that traditional ideas of masculinity, which have existed in every society for millennia are harmful. More than harmful, they are at the root of many (if not all) of society’s problems and need to be eradicated. 

Let’s be fair. Men have problems. Some of what the APA concluded is within the scope of reason and sanity, not much, but some. 

Men are far more violent and reckless. Men aren’t generally known to be “emotional” (not Manly men anyway). Men typically tend to be self-reliant (nope, we won’t stop to ask for directions). And it would be hard to deny that men are competitive; just ask any sports fan around the world. 

But, the question to consider is whether these traits are inherently bad, or harmful to society.

It may be considered reckless to attempt to fly an airplane after building it from scratch, by hand. But I think we can all agree that the Wright brothers did the world a favor by seeking to create a machine that could cut travel times and allow quicker (and safer) global travel. No doubt members of the APA have benefited from the reckless behavior of the Wright brothers and the world is a better place for it. 

Stoicism is not a quality we see among a majority of men today. It’s certainly not as common as in previous generations. We might do well to instill such a quality in our boys and help them understand that sometimes it’s okay to cry, and other times, you need to suck up the tears and keep moving. A manly balance between tenderness and strength is a quality worth cultivating. 

Are we now to believe that being self-reliant is a problem? In a culture where we are asked to blame everyone around us for our problems and seek help from doctors, neighbors, and social media, perhaps a little more self-reliance would benefit us all? Too great a degree of self-reliance can lead to reckless behavior (i.e. replacing the electrical outlet ourselves without proper understanding or skill and causing a house fire, or getting electrocuted). But the proper expression of self-reliance – along with some determination – can propel a man from poverty to becoming a brain surgeon with “gifted hands.” (Just ask Dr. Ben Carson.) 

Is there any value in being competitive? The man that pushes himself to work harder and achieve success needs it. The entrepreneur that dreams of creating a global business must have it. The man that wants to chase the record books to become football’s GOAT can’t accomplish his goal without it (C’mon, let’s just admit Tom Brady is the GOAT).

The problem with the APA’s blanket assessment is the accusation that these qualities are somehow inherently bad. A better conversation would begin by asking if these qualities have value and how they can be properly expressed. 

The ability to be emotionally stoic in order to rescue another person is admirable. The skill of growing a business from scratch using self-reliance and competitiveness is noteworthy. Pushing the limits of physical ability to become a world-renown athlete is a dream worth pursuing.  

David French rightly notes that culture is sending a confusing signal when it tells us all to “be yourself” and then concludes that who you are is “toxic”: “It is interesting that in a world that otherwise teaches boys and girls to ‘be yourself,’ that rule often applies to everyone but the ‘traditional’ male who has traditional male impulses and characteristics. Then, they’re a problem. Then, they’re often deemed toxic. Combine this reality with a new economy that doesn’t naturally favor physical strength and physical courage to the same extent, and it’s easy to see how men struggle.”

The APA thinks that teaching boys to be “traditional” men is the problem, that “gender role strain” and “gender role conflict” are the result of being “emotionally stoic, self-reliant, and competitive.” If males would simply put down their swords and pull up a chair to share their feelings, society would be a in better place. But it’s these men, the self-reliant, courageous, competitive men that helped secure the victory in WWI and WWII. It was these men that “recklessly” gave birth to flight and space exploration. It’s these men that run into burning buildings to save strangers and daily risk their lives to keep others safe. 

I’m not ignoring the accomplishments of women. But today I’m focusing on men, manly men that have contributed to society in more ways than can be counted. 

Yes, the idea of masculinity has been distorted, just as the idea of femininity has been distorted. To focus so much effort on redefining what it means to be a man (or woman) is to undercut the strength of any society; it’s a sign that our culture is collapsing. If you truly want to see reform in families and society, teach boys how to be men, manly men that understand proper expression of the good qualities they have been endowed with by their Creator.