Tag Archives: divorce
What strikes me about her comment is her realization that her emotions were not trustworthy. Anna seems to recognize that true love is not about feelings but choices. In our current culture love is an emotion. It’s something people feel, and, therefore, can un-feel. So it’s no surprise that people fall into and out of love. But this show a misunderstanding of what true love is. The reality is that love is a verb. Love is the decisions we make each and every day.
Anna is right that what she is going through is a betrayal, and it’s hard. But she is also correct in that if she were to react according to her emotions she would surely make a “mess” into a “disaster.” So often people turn a mess, a fixable mess that could be overcome, into a disaster. Often that disaster is permanent and cannot be overcome. They do this by reacting emotionally rather than making choices consistent with a proper understanding of love.
Let’s use this example to illustrate what I’m talking about.
One of two scenarios have become popular in our culture:
Scenario #1: Boy and girl meet, start dating, get serious, decide to move in together (more often than not due to one person’s hope that it will propel the relationship toward marriage).
Scenario #2: Boy and girl meet, get serious, start dating, date for a couple years, get engaged, THEN decide to move in together (for any number of reasons including, to save money while planning a wedding, or because “we are basically married anyway”).
The problem that many people just cannot seem to figure out with these scenarios is that they are doing more harm than good to the relationship.
Marriage is a commitment. Marriage says “I am committed to being with you through thick and thin, good or bad, easy or hard, I will be by your side.” (That is what the vows are supposed to mean, and each person is supposed to convey this message and make this commitment). When two people get married it is supposed to be for life regardless of circumstances; a vow and covenant made with each other, God, and before a number of witnesses. Marriage is serious.
Moving in together before marriage does not carry the same commitment. This poses a problem as many people expect their girlfriend or boyfriend to ACT like they are married, but without the vows and commitment that comes with marriage. When those expectations do not materialize it often strains the relationship and causes breakups, custody battles, and broken lives. In other words, people want to play house without making it official. By doing so they unwittingly set themselves up for failure.
Filing for divorce twice as often as men, women most often say it is due to ‘mental cruelty’ (Source: Why women leave men). It seems that in most all statistics, women are worse off as a whole. They are seeing the highest levels of poverty ( Source: National Women’s Law Center), out of wedlock births (Source: National Review), and one in three women will have an abortion in their lifetime (Source: Guttmacher Institute).
It demands us to ask some serious questions. Has the last century of women’s rights not touched the home? Has women’s equality not turned the tide of divorce? Has it not lifted women out of poverty instead of sinking them further into poverty? Women’s equality has failed precisely because it is misplaced from the Biblical understanding of women. It has failed precisely because it misunderstands the honor God has given to women.
In short, if you think women are equal to men, then you have too low of a view of women. Women are not merely equal, they are to be honored and esteemed unlike that of a man.
Can I let you in on a little secret? It’s one of those things everybody used to know but somewhere along the way it got lost and now it seems fewer and fewer people know this; but it’s no less true today than it ever was. The big secret is this: kids are not the center of the universe!
In the past I’ve written on the danger of becoming a narcissistic parent. But on the opposite end of the spectrum, and equally as dangerous, is falling into the trap of worshipping your kids and believing they are the center of the universe. Countless well-meaning parents fall victim to this idea that children are the center of the home and parents are simply there to serve them. One prominent family advocate shares this message: