If we aren’t careful as church leaders we will fall into the trap of believing that it is our job to keep everyone in our church happy. For the life of me I can’t see anywhere in Scripture where pastors are commanded to make anyone happy, much less keep them happy. I see commands to teach, share the Gospel, study, pray, baptize, and disciple; but I can’t find any instructions on keeping people happy.

The distraction of keeping everyone happy comes from a fear that if people aren’t happy they will leave our church and go elsewhere. Because many churches are struggling to grow and having financial issues the task of keeping everyone happy (and tithing) takes precedence. Though they might not say it out loud, many pastors are afraid that someone might leave their church, not realizing that having people leave their church might be the best thing for the church.

Wait a minute. Did I just say it might be good for someone to leave the church? As a pastor that seems like an odd thing to say. Even more odd would be the statement that not only is it a good thing for people to leave, it might be what is best for that person and the church as a whole.

Okay, where am I getting this idea? I thought we wanted people to stay at our church, so our church will get bigger. Well, if you have a myopic goal of numerical growth then I guess what I’m saying is counter-intuitive and troubling. But, if your goal is authentic church growth (a result of people being saved) and church health (a result of people being discipled), then what I’m saying is necessary and true.

First, let’s be clear, the Bible plainly states that it is God who builds the church. We read in Psalms that “unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it” (Psa. 127:1). And Matthew writes that “upon this rock (Jesus Christ) I will build my church” (Matt. 16:18). There can be no doubt that the church is built upon the foundation of Christ and only He can build it.

But it’s also true that pastors have a responsibility for the health of their congregation. Much like a doctor is charged with doing what is best for his patients, at times, this will mean doing things that are painful in order to keep the church (body) healthy.

So what am I suggesting? That we should be okay when people leave our church? Or that we should ask people to leave our church?

Well…yes, that’s what I’m saying.

Now, before you pick up something heavy to throw at me, hear me out.

Issue #1: Accepting when people leave our church.

Let’s look at a couple accounts from Scripture. The first comes from Mark 10:17-22 when Jesus talks with the rich young ruler.

A young professional comes to Jesus and wants to know how to have eternal life. Jesus tells him to keep the commandments. The man very proudly declares that he has kept all the commandments “from my youth.” Jesus then tells him to sell everything he has, give it to the poor, then to “come, follow me.” What happened next is very instructive for us.

The man walked away and Jesus let him go.

Jesus told him the truth, told him what he most needed to hear. In fact the Bible says that Jesus looked at him and “loved him.” And yet he was willing to watch him walk away from eternal life. What we can learn from this is that our ability to reach people for Christ extends only to the Gospel. We can’t force anyone to accept Christ and refusing to teach the truth or address certain subjects will only lead our churches to inner turmoil as we foster false hope for people who aren’t genuinely born again.

Jesus could have stopped with the commandments, but He loved the young man, so Jesus told him the truth even at the risk of watching him walk away. When the young man did walk away Jesus let him. Jesus didn’t chase him and retract his statement, he let him go. The Gospel can’t be forced.

In another account Jesus watches a large group of “disciples” walk away. In the book of John we read that a group was following Jesus, claiming to be disciples, learning from Jesus. Jesus decided to drop some seriously heavy truth on the, and said: “I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day (John 6:53-54).”

The “disciples” thought that was a hard saying, something they were not really comfortable with and decided to leave (John 6:66). Amazingly, Jesus let them leave too. He didn’t chase after them apologizing if he “offended” them. Jesus didn’t give them an easy way out, or make his statement softer for them. He watched them walk away.

Again we have to understand that at times people are going to leave our churches for one reason or another. While this can be alarming and unsettling for a pastor and others in the church, we have to be okay with it. We have to realize that if Jesus is content to watch people walk away then it’s going to happen to us and we need to accept it.

Issue #2: Asking people to leave our church.

I know what you’re thinking. There’s no example in the Bible where Jesus asked someone to leave. You’re right, Jesus didn’t. But Paul did.

In 1 Corinthians 5 we read Paul’s letter to the church at Corinth during which he tells the church to kick one of their members out for unrepentant sin. To be specific this individual was engaged in sexual sin and Paul was shocked that the church was turning a blind eye. Paul writes very candidly to the church:

“For though absent in body, I am present in spirit; and as if present, I have already pronounced judgment on the one who did such a thing. When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus and my spirit is present, with the power of our Lord Jesus, you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord (1 Cor. 5: 3-5).”

Paul further instructs the church to remove the member until he repents and leaves his sinful lifestyle.

For us we can learn from this passage that sin will kill our church. If the church is content to ignore willful sin among its members we can be sure the Holy Spirit will not be present. For this reason we must be willing to address people and their sin in the spirit of Matthew 18 in order to seek their reconciliation. However, if they refuse it may become necessary to remove the sin and the person from our church.

This is not because we don’t love people. In fact, just the opposite, because we do love people we are not willing to allow them to live in sin. Because we do love people we are willing to address their sin in an effort to help them overcome (Gal. 6:1). Asking someone to leave our church after attempts at addressing their sin have failed is the most loving thing we could do. Just as God removed Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden was an act of divine love and mercy, so too is removing a Christian living in unrepentant sin.

Will there be anyone left?

The responsibility of the church is not to make people happy. It is to make authentic disciples of Jesus Christ. This will necessitate teaching the truth of Scripture even when it angers or offends people. That’s okay. Just as removing a cancerous tumor from our body is painful; it is still the best thing for our long-term health. If we ignore the cancer and refuse to treat it we can be sure it will grow, spread, and kill us. The same is true of people in our church.

People who are not happy in our church might be under conviction due to sin. Their unhappiness does not necessitate a change in our church.

People who are not happy in our church might be in the wrong church. If someone can’t get behind the vision and mission of the church it might be time for them to look for another church.

People who are not happy in our church might be a false convert pretending to be a disciple. We can’t be so naïve as to think everyone in our church is truly born again; false converts can and will disrupt our church if we allow them.

Whatever the reason people are not happy as long as the pastor(s) and the church is doing what God has commanded – love God, love people, make disciples, missions, serve the community – we should not worry. When the church is united by a single vision and mission it should not be derailed by a few unhappy people. And, if we are wise we will recognize that at times God moves people from our church in accordance with His will.